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http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article2652946.ece
From The Sunday TimesOctober 14, 2007
Internet beauty asks for rich husband
The internet is awash with shameless proposals and embarrassing e-mails. Yet one recent posting on the American classifieds website Craigslist has caused a storm even among seen-it-all-before New Yorkers.
“I’m tired of beating around the bush,” the unconventional lonely hearts ad ran. “I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25-year-old. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year.
“I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle-class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.”
She asked where could she meet the right sort of guy, what kind of age range and what type of professions she should be targeting, before making plain her intentions.
“I am interested in MARRIAGE ONLY,” she wrote, asking internet surfers to “hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way”.
Nobody did, of course. As the posting zipped around the city, few held back. One response received almost as much attention as the original post, whose authorship remains a mystery after it was deleted from the website. The man, apparently a banker with J P Morgan, provided a dispassionate appraisal of her proposal.
“You bring your looks to the party and I bring my money,” he wrote in classic Wall Street style. “But here’s the rub. Your looks will fade and my money will likely continue in perpetuity . . . So in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset. You're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next five years, but less so each year. By 35, stick a fork in you!
“So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold. I hope this is helpful and if you want to enter into some kind of lease [deal], let me know.”
He had probably seen it all before. Manhattan is a place where dating strategy is finely honed.
“Googling” any potential date is a necessary precaution. Serious gold-diggers do not hesitate before checking out their potential boyfriend’s business prospects on the financial information website Dun & Bradstreet. The logic is that information is everything when cutting any kind of deal.
So much for New York. How would such a brazen young woman fare here? Would British men find her offer scary, vulgar or curiously attractive? And are there legions of other young gold-diggers out there?
To uncover the reality of attempting to land a millionaire online in Britain, we created the user name Beckysharp-1848. Named after the archetypal gold-digging heroine of William Makepeace Thackeray’s 1848 novel Vanity Fair, Becky joined numerous dating sites, including the popular mainstream sites Match.com, which has 20m members worldwide, and Loveandfriends.com, which boasts 130,000 potential partners in the UK and Ireland. She used her New York equivalent’s exact phrasing, tweaked for a British audience.
She also put her proposal onto more promising-sounding sites such as Sugardaddie.com (“where the classy, affluent and attractive can meet”) and Millionairematch.com, which cater specifically for women hunting for a millionaire, and for men looking for a “sugar babe”. Both claim success in exploiting the niches that have emerged in the burgeoning internet dating scene.
Prospective dates provide a short profile, lifestyle preferences and, if they want, pictures. Evidence that they have caught somebody’s eye comes in the form of a flirty but noncommittal “wink”, or a longer e-mail.
Like most pretty online ingénues, Becky’s post received an overwhelming response, despite the specific nature of her proposal. Within an hour, three men had contacted her. Within two days, the total was 60.
Some were straightforwardly helpful, such as JamboJam, a 24-year-old sales executive from southwest London. “Go to Berkeley Square [in Mayfair], all the big boys hang out there, and Dover Street wine bar is always a good shout!” he wrote. “Good luck with the gold-digging!”
Others offered to direct her to “where the hedgefunders hang out”. A 25-year-old lawyer from east London suggested “Kensington Virgin Active gym or Broadgate Virgin Active gym. They’re both premium gyms. The first is where Kensington residents go, they’re older with appreciating real estate and high salaries; the second [in the heart of the City], bankers who are younger with annual bonus in the £500k-plus area.
“If you made an approach in one of those gyms,” he swept on, with unnerving familiarity about his subject, “I’m sure the success rate would be good. Not sure how you find out if they earn £500k as the ones who do would probably not talk about it.”
Eventually our prey surfaced. “Hello Becky, a top tip from a single man who owns his own mews house in Notting Hill, earns well over what you describe from working in the music industry,” wrote the 36-year-old Hend12345. “Never tell a man you only want his money and marriage!”
Couldn’t we meet anyway? “Don’t think so,” came the deflating response. “Gold-diggers are easily found, especially in Notting Hill. Though normally they are a little harder to identify.”
James, 25, from Fulham, pictured holding a drink in a dinner jacket, hoped potential wealth might be enough: “The key, my dear girl, is not to marry a man who is rich, but one who is going to be rich,” he averred.
“Personally, a girl whose primary interest in me is my money is unattractive. It seems a great shame as you sound fun underneath it all.”
There was only one out-and-out offer: Rudi, 54, from Wisconsin (never married, pictured with a big cat, looking for someone “within 5,000 miles”) wrote: “You are beautiful and classy. Your portrait is awesome. I feel we have a lot in common. I really want to get to know you. I too am looking for marriage. I am a family law and criminal defense attorney. I can provide for you.”
Sadly, our Becky would not be happy in the Midwest.
One thing the men agreed upon was that they had all run into girls like Becky before. It seems that the internet is flush with women like her, blatant or otherwise, many of whom were happy to share their tactical secrets.
Alexia, 24, from Shepherd’s Bush, west London, says millionaire websites are “crammed with gold-diggers”, although she was “not necessarily looking for that”. She used those sites because they gave her access to a “more successful and confident grade of man, someone who can care for me and offer me the security I need”.
Her approach was common-sensical. “Most of the men just want a pretty face,” she said, advising Becky to be manipulative. “Post some sexy pictures, but don’t be too overt about it . . . just word things in your profile that express a need to be ‘taken care of’, so everyone is on the same page.”
There were certainly plenty of girls who admired Becky’s ballsiness, such as 25-year-old Erin on Beautifulpeople.net. “I love what you wrote,” she said. “While I’m in a happy and loving relationship at present with a great guy who earns a decent amount, if I was to become single I’d probably do the same thing.”
Claire from Romford’s pitch was more overt. “My dream is to have a breast enlargement which I’m trying to save up for, so if any of you guys want to lend me the money I’d be very grateful,” wrote the 22-year-old blonde, whose breasts, judging from her pictures, seemed quite big enough already.
So far, so mercenary. Clearly, women do feel they can get away with more on the internet than they ever would in the real world, even after 15 bottles of alcopops.
After all, where do you go to find a millionaire? Hanging out in clubs, restaurants and at society events is expensive and uncertain. Interrogating every potential beau is a chore, and then there’s the distinct possibility that he might not like what he sees or hears.
On the internet, you can instantly review the goods, cut to the chase, and if anyone bothers to object, click and drag to the trash can.
But is such a hard-bitten attitude towards establishing relationships healthy? For some it may seem like a throwback to the time of the original Becky Sharp, when a young woman’s sole prerogative was to secure a good match.
Where does it leave the feminist dream of women being able to provide for herself without recourse to marriage? Are women like the modern Becky setting back the cause of the sisterhood?
Kate Figes, the feminist writer and expert on marriage, was disappointed by Becky’s approach.
“The most depressing thing about this girl is that she wants to marry a millionaire in the first place,” she said. “It’s an extremely old-fashioned view. Can she not earn? If you enter into marriage as some sort of basic economic trade-off, you’re playing into their hands. The sex is unequal, the relationship is unequal and so ultimately, you are powerless.”
Others felt the argument was more finely balanced and that, in being so upfront about their requirements, Becky and her American counterpart were at least showing a healthy disrespect for social taboos.
“There have always been women like this,” said Erica Jong, the American feminist author. “What this girl did wrong was to speak about it. There are plenty of women around New York and LA who are quite obviously gold-diggers – but they never mention it. It’s not doing it that’s the taboo, it’s saying it.
“You are not allowed to break the hypocrisy, the code that says that you pretend you’re really in love with him when you’re only after his money. So really it’s not about feminism – unless you regard breaking the taboo as feminist. In that sense, she is a feminist, but really it has nothing to do with feminism.”
The novelist Fay Weldon concurred: “I don’t think it’s about the fight for feminism at all, although she is pitiful and what she says makes you angry. It is about consumerism, and it is very depressing that we are so obsessed with it.
“This girl has a choice to work or to marry a millionaire, and she has decided to be upfront about it. I don’t blame her for not wanting to work: I would advise my daughters to marry rich men! But I wouldn’t be happy if they went about it the way she has.”
Of course, once the deal is sealed Becky and her ilk still have to meet their quarry in the real world. And it is difficult online to sort the wheat from the chavs. Is Lee, a 32-year-old bricklayer from Preston, really “loaded beyond belief”? What’s the true story behind Goodguy4114, who prefers not to reveal his income?
One seasoned internet dater, Vanessa, 29, a marketing executive from Hammersmith, west London, lamented: “I have never met a man on the internet who matches up to what they say they are. They always, but always, tick ‘attractive’ – doesn’t matter if they’ve posted pictures that show they aren’t – and exaggerate their personal wealth.
“I’m quite tall, 5ft 9in, so I like a guy who’s at least 6ft. I also state specifically that I’m into chilled-out, arty types. I can’t remember the number of times I’ve been matched with a pugnacious dwarf who’s worked out the bill to the last penny. Last time that happened I ran to the loos and waited until he left.”
Another internet husband-seeker had an even more depressing warning for Becky. “I don’t find guys look down on [gold-diggers],” said Alexia. “But don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work out in the long run.”
The American banker obsessed with depreciating assets would doubtless remark: “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Where to snare a millionaire
The internet might not be the best place in the world to pick up millionaires. So where should young women go to find them?
- Business class
Treat the fare as an investment. Turn left on that plane to mix with the big boys. Make sure you get the chat in before the take-off drink – it’s no use turning on the charm when he’s snoring on a flat-bed.
- KX Gym, Chelsea
After you’ve bashed the Bond hunk Daniel Craig out of the way (he tans there), pull on your Stella McCartney sweats and swish around. On no account exercise.
- H R Owen garages
They only sell Ferraris, Bugattis, Rollers and the like. Kind of difficult to pull this off unless you’ve got a pretty good excuse to be there. Be a cunning gold-digger: just say your father’s thinking of getting one. Rich girls are a turn-on.
- Polo matches
Lots of standing around sipping champers and surprisingly low standards when it comes to the type of girl they let in. Some big companies actually hire girls to entertain the bored businessmen tooling round the tents.
- Nannying
Choose the right family in the right area and you’ll have access to a lifestyle you’d only dreamt of. Go for sheikhs and oligarchs – the amount of idle chitchat will be refreshingly low
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THE ANSWER Dear Pers-:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the BS, what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful! Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the BS, what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset . Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset . Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I ’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that . So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful ” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know. ____________ Rob Campbell JPMorgan Diversified Industrials Investment Banking 277 Park Avenue , 16/F, New York, NY 10172 Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful ” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know. ____________ Rob Campbell JPMorgan Diversified Industrials Investment Banking 277 Park Avenue , 16/F, New York, NY 10172
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